Women!

If you were expecting a rant about comics today, sorry I am not doing that today. I am going talk about something that is the greatest mysteries in the universe, WOMEN. That’s right, I going put my neck out there for the female population to chop off. At least, I hope it is my neck they will want to chop off.

Anyways, men and woman have been trying to figure out each other since the dawn of time. Depending on what you believe, Adam and Eve were the first couple to argue. It was about the size of Adam’s fig leaf. He wanted an extra large but she laughed at him. I am not saying she was right or wrong, but come on, let the guy have some self esteem here! Men and women argue about the silliest things from the color of couch to the last time the garbage went out. To be honest, men have been getting a bad rap here because for some inane reason we are painted as wanting only one thing. Sex, lot and lots of sex is what woman think men want all the time. Of course we want sex, we also want quiet!

I am not saying women talk too much, but they sure in hell talk a lot about things that don’t really matter that much. Example, you can get an 8 hour conversion on the escapades of that whore at work. You know the one. Yep, the one that every women seems to have in their life that they talk about with you endlessly about and not care other than getting that person’s number. Men don’t really care about how much you hate that person or at least we don’t care to hear about it endlessly about that person. She is slut. Gotcha!

There is also the question about how a women looks. How many times are you asked if your woman’s looks ok? Do you really want an honest answer? Honestly, you don’t because from experience you don’t want the truth you want your man to say you look good even if you are covered in axial grease. Fact facts ladies, we are going to lie because we don’t want to hear for years that we are insensitive assholes. Ok, goes back to that whole quiet thing.

Women have a long memory. You could have taken the head off a Barbie doll when you both were eight and burned it. You will hear about forever. Remember when you burn my Barbie’s head? You haven’t fucking change a bit! Jesus! Give me strength. Men don’t do that women, unless it something serious like sleeping with your guy’s best friend. Of course you will hear about it that over and over again ladies, that is a current issue and not something that should have been long forgotten.

Women will also accuse men of doing things in the future and yell at them for it. That is where the dumbfounded expression comes from. We are like, “What the hell!” I just woke up and being yelled at for having a dream about sexy woman. Teach me to open my mouth and answer that dumb question. That were that answer, “Nothing honey, I am just dreaming about you love.” Come ladies, like you don’t dream about Hugh Jackmen, or whoever, taking you out. HA! See! Told ya!

Guys, here is a major secret that women don’t want you to know, women like sex. I know! It is shocking! They want you to beg and plead for it, but you won’t believe what happens when you act like you don’t care. You are accused of cheating. Is that a riot! You could be the most faithful guy in the world and still be accused of cheating even if you mack on her all the time. Here is a major secret women, man do care about sex, but they do mature at sometime and it comes to mean something more then as one person put it to me, “Just getting your dick wet.”

Just to be clear. I love women. I love to hear them talk and enjoy talking to them. I find the intelligent and have understanding of the world that sometime men don’t see. However, they are very funny with their misconception of men in general. I blame the media! Have good day all!


P.S. This was written with tongue press firmly in cheek. :D